2020 has been a year! For some of us, we’ve met new loves or we’re still celebrating the people we loved. But others we’re going through break ups, we’ve been single 5ever or we know there’s someone we need to leave.
You got the boo’d up blues, sis. Okay, I’m just calling it that because we’re in Spooky SZN and all my titles relate to their month.
Being single is tough. I promise, I know how lonely it can get. I’ve been single almost 4 years now. I’m an attractive woman, I’m intelligent, I have a bro sense of humor and I’m my own person. I have a lot going for me. And that’s not me on some haughty shit, that’s me owning who I am.
For many of us, we’re either fully aware of our self worth or we know our self worth and don’t want to leave a relationship because it benefits us or shields us from the the fear of the unknown.
Honey, as a young woman 4 years single (we’ll say 4 to make it easy) I’ve been through the phases.
Phase 1: coming to terms.
Phase 2: grieving the relationship.
Phase 3: focusing on healing.
Phase 4: healing.
Phase 5: being happy with my company.
I made that look pretty but the process was very, very ugly. However, another individual is involved so although a petty person would dish, I’d like to respect his privacy even though most women would agree he doesn’t deserve it.
What I want to bring us too is, being single is an adjustment process for some. A lot of us don’t know how to enjoy our company and resort to feeling miserable. Was it me? What did I do? How can I fix me? I need to be so and so for another person to like me.
Stop. I know it’s easy to go down that trail but it’s unproductive. Take you time. Cry. Grieve. Vent. Scream. Break de focking car glass (jk). Get a hair cut. Change your wardrobe. Drink tea. Bitch, idk but do what you need and in the meanwhile get into a relationship with yourself.
Looking in the mirror, I didn’t know who I was. I saw an empty shell. I saw flaws. I saw trauma. I saw toxic behaviours learnt within the relationship and from the way I was raised. I saw poor mindsets about my body. I saw all the ugly things. And I started there. I’m tired of people saying look at the bright side. At this point, yuh want to dead. So, water the things you’d like to change little by little- once those things are harmful to you and others. Eg. I had a tendency to fight down every counter opinion to mine. I’ve taught myself diplomacy.
I’m also aware, I will never be perfect. The things I cannot change I accept and I learn to communicate. If I get awkward, I say so. Nothing wrong with being awkward.
And when I saw myself growing, I started feeling proud of myself and wanting more value for myself from myself.
Now, I look forward to Friday’s with just myself and a tv show or book. I love my company and I am no longer lonely. I haven’t missed a relationship in months. I’m sure I will at some point but now, I’m pretty cool.
I want that for you too. You don’t need to be boo’d up to lose the blues. Boo up with yourself. It’ll take time.
It won’t work for me but! You can try it out.
List of things I can’t change because they’re not harmful and because I can’t be perfect but I’m willing to accept.
List of things I can change because they take away from my life eg being argumentative and not listening.
List of things I enjoy doing.
List of things I like about myself.
List of things I’ve never done.
List of things I would never think of doing.
What I want you to try if you’re stuck:
•Revisit things you like.
•Try things you’d say no too (that are legal and healthy).
•List what you like about yourself.
•List of things I can’t change because they’re not harmful and because I can’t be perfect but I’m willing to accept.
This is your positivity list that you will strengthen.
•List of things I can change because they take away from my life eg being argumentative and not listening.
This is your growth list.
Make it work however you’d like but that may be a starting point to enjoying being single. Love your company! The only person guaranteed to be by your side from the day you die is YOU.
Get to know that person.
That person?
Is unique and amazing.
Header photo
Photo by David Balev on Unsplash
Vector graphics: Free PNG Images